We moved in together 3 months into the relationship, got engaged a year later and married after a year and 7 months of dating. It may seem fast and, if you asked me 5 years ago whether this was a course of action for me in a relationship, I would have said it’s ridiculous.
Turns out, it isn’t. Meeting someone I am 100% compatible with taught me a lot about how relationships should work and made me see all the misconceptions I had before that lead to mistakes and a pretty poor love life.
1. Relationships aren’t work
We have this strange idea that keeping a relationship is a lot of work and compromise and other awful words, but that’s now how things should be. Sure, it’s about taking care of the other person and doing anything you can to make them happy, but it shouldn’t feel like a job and it shouldn’t feel like you are giving up on your happiness for theirs. The right person is someone with whom you share hobbies, likes and dislikes and, very importantly, a vision on how you want your life to be. Being with the right person is easy.
2. If they love you, they will want to make plans with you
The right relationship isn’t a game of will he, won’t he (or she). The other person shouldn’t keep you guessing about their next move or have you afraid of asking the wrong questions. Being with someone who is right for you means never having to think twice about their actions or their words or their feelings. You will know the relationship is heading where you want it to because you talk about it, because they spend time with you and you know for sure you are the number one priority (without even having to ask).
3. Words are not actions
Words don’t mean anything, let the actions speak for themselves. Whatever promises you were made, however years ago, will never come true, I guarantee it. The right person will never make you wait on the things you want from them and there will be nothing stopping them from keeping their word.
4. People don’t change
The biggest mistake we ever make in relationships is expecting the other person to change, even when they say they will. People don’t change very easily and they will not do it for someone else. So it’s not just a matter of accomplishing some goal, or making more money, or having some type of childhood issues they are not addressing. If you are not satisfied with whoever this person is and waiting on them to get their life together, you are just heading to a world of frustration.
In addition to this, changing someone or having someone wanting you to change is not fair. People are who they are and, as long as they are comfortable with their own person, they should not have to become someone else just to be in a relationship.
5. Fighting is not healthy
I don’t know why people and specialists say fighting is healthy, because it is not. When was it ever a good thing? I’m not saying you shouldn’t discuss your problems or things that bother you, but there is a long way from a conversation to a fight. When you are with the right person, you can’t be mad at them or blame them for anything. And most importantly, they don’t do things that upset you that bad as to get into a fight. So no, fighting is not going to cure your relationship of whatever it has.
6. The right person makes you happy by default
Being in a good, healthy relationship means being with someone who makes you happy (almost) all the time. There will be moments when you will get upset or they will get upset, or when you will want to be alone or meet with friends. But those moments don’t usually last long when it’s the right person, cause happiness kicks in.
I’ve mentioned the right person a lot and you should know this means something different to each one of you, but it does add up to everything I mentioned before. In almost 3 years of relationship, my husband and I have never fought – we have only had a couple of debates that were resolved in minutes – we have never questioned each other, never been jealous, never had a conversation about our feelings or where the relationship is going, because we already told each other those things and we knew. And we have never, for one minute, been unhappy.
So don’t get stuck into relationships that are just ok, when you can miss out on finding one that’s right.