I believe wedding planning is underestimated and wedding stress is given too much power. There is truly a great bonding experience hidden somewhere between picking out the dress and cake tasting. And not for the bride and bridesmaids, I’m talking about the couple.
Let me tell you a story! In March 2016, my (then) boyfriend proposed to me on top of the Eiffel Tower. I said yes. A few weeks later we booked a venue and a band for this summer. We got legally married a couple of months later, last July, had a great party and went on to have an even better first year of marriage.
Now, we’re not worriers and we don’t plan ahead for too long. Some may say we’re not the most responsible adults, I say we’re not bothered by trivial, day to day chores. We do what grown ups should do the very last minute and amuse ourselves with the lack of F’s we give. So it was no wonder that planning the wedding would have the same course of action.
Last fall we would say we’d start getting serious in February, start booking vendors and buying decorations. Maybe in March I’d go to the first dress fitting. We booked the photographer about 3 months prior to the wedding, bought the wedding rings 4 week earlier. His outfit was complete the week before the wedding.
But this was all part of the charm that was our wedding. I found it’s not just about the big day, but all the excitement leading up to it. I was never a ‘can’t wait to get married, dress me in white from head to toe’ kind of girl. Planning it all with my husband was by far one of the greatest experiences in my life.
We decided to do the decorating ourselves and were lucky enough to find a great restaurant with a beautiful garden, so the possibilities were endless. We had 4 or 5 weeks of shopping, searching Pinterest and bridal websites, exchanging ideas and researching vendors. And I would do it all over again, because it was an amazing time that we spent together. Something every couple should go through.
Here’s what I’ve learned and why I recommend doing everything together (even dress shopping):
1. It really is a once in a lifetime experience
Even if you are a wedding person or not, if you’re a pro or against marriage, do it anyway. Plan a wedding or a party or whatever you want to call it. It can be a big endeavour with 200 guests or a small, intimate gathering with your family and friends. I did both when I got married legally and then the church wedding and it’s crazy fun.
Whenever else do you get the chance to have everyone together for a happy celebration? I have never done cocaine, but I imagine it’s the same kind of rush, an excitement that I have rarely experienced and something I am glad I didn’t miss out.on.
2. Planning a wedding will really tell you if you should marry the other person
A marriage is about making decisions together and if you can’t decide on something as simple as wedding cake then you’re in for a bumpy ride. I’m guessing…
We’ve never had a fight since we’ve been together and we have successfully not had one while planning our wedding. It was something we share and will always share and it wouldn’t have been the same if he wasn’t beside me every step of the way. So, ladies, even if he has no idea about the difference between a mermaid or a princess gown, it will still be great to have him there.
*I’m the least superstitious person. I didn’t believe it was bad luck for him to see my dress. He’s my best friend, I ask for his opinion on everything, so I didn’t want to do this without him. But each person should do whatever they want, which brings me to point no3.
3. If you don’t want to do something, just don’t do it
You don’t want to wear a white dress or spend the whole night on the dance floor? Don’t do it. It’s not about pleasing others or doing what is expected of you, it’s about having a good time and making memories. So don’t get caught up in everyone else’s whims and do what’s best for you two.
This being said, once the day comes, that’s the moment to stop worrying about what someone else wants or feels. They say it’s your day, so own it. Let stress just rub off you and enjoy it while it lasts (because it goes away so goddamn fast).
4. It’s not the most important day in your life, but it’s in the top 100
I never really dreamed about my wedding and never gave it too much importance. I don’t see it as an accomplishment, nor that it matters much for your relationship. Getting married won’t make you a happier couple, it will not stop you from fighting or solve any problems. If you’ve got them, they won’t go away.
But if you are in a loving relationship, this step will only bring you that much closer together. You’ll discover new things about each other and spend extra-quality time together. When the day comes and you watch it all unwind, it will be that much more rewarding.
The wedding should never be a must, but it’s a ‘nice to have’. It doesn’t mean that it should be the first or the last day you celebrate your relationship. It’s not the day your life begins. It’s not the day your relationship begins.
It’s a beautiful memory.