The dating world is like a jungle and divorce rates are getting higher as each year passes, so it’s no secret there is a shortage of..let’s call them soulmates. Meeting someone who is right for you is tough and being in a healthy, happy relationship is becoming more rare then sightseeing a unicorn.
But there’s really one thing you need to do (or at least start with) to get closer to finding the right person: stop wasting time on the wrong person!
It doesn’t take long for you to figure out that you are dating someone you’re not likely to be happy with and there are a few signals that you can catch up on straight from the beginning. Let’s walk through them:
At the start of a relationship it’s pretty hard to notice the level of compatibility you have with the other person. You like them, you get butterflies in your stomach and think about them all the time. The trap is getting blinded by all the passion, instead of seeing the truth about who you are spending time with. We have a tendency to confuse sexual attraction with falling in love and that’s the first big mistake we make when entering a new love-endeavour.
The story you make-up
A few weeks or months into the relationship, when you start to get to know the other person, you may find things you like and things you don’t. The latter you ignore and instead you start picturing how that person would and will change so that they can live up to your standard. Those kinds of expectations are the second mistake you make: you should love someone for who they are not for who you want them to be.
The lies you tell each other
They’re white lies, but they can have damaging effects in the long-run. Pretending you have stuff in common or that you like things the other person likes will not lead to a happy relationship. Trying new things can be fun and you can actually discover new experiences that make you happy, but doing things you dislike just to please someone else for years and years will just get you frustrated. Isn’t it better to find someone who has the same hobbies or preferences you do? So be honest from the start and choose to be with someone you enjoy spending time with, as well as the activities you will be doing together.
Words are not actions, so don’t make it a habit to believe everything you hear. If you are with someone who just makes promises, but doesn’t follow through, don’t expect that anything will change any time soon. Like I said before, people don’t change because you want them to.
You don’t notice them at first, because you are so in love, but after a few weeks or months you start to see that other person for who they really are and find stuff that bother you. I’m not saying you should break up with someone just because they leave their socks on the floor, but if you are a neat freak that looks like a deal breaker.
The way they treat you
The only way your partner should treat you is with love and respect. The right person does not criticise, put you down or talk down to you, doesn’t constantly judge or offer advice about your life choices. They accept you for who they are and don’t constantly try to turn you into a better person.
So, don’t waste months or years of your life with someone who does not meet your guidelines for the person you want to be with. Be with someone you have fun with, someone who you can be honest with and who understands you just the way you are.
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